Hello Baby!

Before you continue reading, please go to Holley's blog and read this post.

http://holleygerth.com/time-gods-hands/

I heard a clip of this on KLRC one day about a year ago and it fit our waiting so perfectly. I still read it on occasion to remind myself how perfect God's timing is. 

I look around my home and see things I had almost given up on ever having. I look down the hall and see a crib. In the kitchen are bottles and bibs. In the bathroom are tiny little hooded towels. 

Years have been filled with many emotions. Hope, excitement, possibilities. And there have been many days of doubt, disappointment, discouragement. The only thing that has never changed is my dream to be a mom. All I've ever hoped to be in this life is a wife and a mother. And for a very long time it seemed that dream would never come true. There was a point that I couldn't even pray for us to have children. My heart was so hurt and tired of waiting. I knew that God COULD give us children, but I began to wonder if He WOULD. I began feeling unworthy of being a mom. But I couldn't seem to let go of my desire. I believe that God gives us dreams and if those dreams become impossible, He gives us new ones. Even in the midst of "trying to be realistic" the hope never went away. 

After ten years of marriage and waiting, I am now a mama. 

My heart is so overwhelmed with emotions that I can barely process. You see, the dream of becoming a mother was not fulfilled in ways that I expected. I did not become pregnant, but I now have a son. If you have read my previous post you know the beginning of our story. We have been given the gift of adoption. And from the moment we were asked to become parents through adoption, every single day has been an act of faith. We chose to walk this journey knowing that the end may not result in parenthood. Knowing there was the possibility of our birth mom changing her mind. But when God gives you this kind of opportunity to stretch your faith, you cannot take it lightly. You cannot go about it half-heartedly. We chose to believe that whatever the outcome, God had a purpose for the journey. We had to invest ourselves completely, choosing to believe that this baby was ours. Most people were encouraging and excited for us. Then there were those who questioned whether or not the adoption was worth the fear and worry. No matter how you become a parent, there's always the possibility of something going wrong. 

When God plants something so deeply in your heart, you can't let go of it. Press on. The path to your destination isn't going to be straight. There will be hills to climb, valleys to travel, rivers to cross. But in the end, no matter what the outcome is, it will always be God's best for you if you allow Him to work and stand firm in your faith. (Romans 8:28) 

So Long 2014

Here we are in the last few hours of 2014 and I am struggling to find the words for the year we've had. 

It's been one of the most difficult and one of the most blessed years yet. As I look back on everything that we've experienced, I can see God's hand in it all. Derek and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. We have been CHOSEN to become parents to a precious baby boy in 2015. Our adoption process has been unbelievably perfect up to this point. I spent quite a bit of the year battling headaches and trying to find a better way to deal with them. I can't say I've finished that battle yet but I am certainly on a better path. We've both started new jobs. We've suffered some of the greatest loss I've ever known in losing Jared. We've lost friends, made new friends. Made lots of new memories. And more than anything, we've learned so much. I've decided to call 2014 a "Growing Year" because as difficult as it's been, that's what the year has brought us. Growth. And lots of gratitude. 

I am so excited for 2015! We'll get to meet our baby boy in just a few short weeks. And I can only imagine the great adventures and blessings that await us. I wish you all God's best! 

You're My Favorite

Ten years ago, Derek and I began our life together. Every single day has been an adventure. For a couple of nineteen year old kids to start, I think we've done well so far. We've faced a lot of life's challenges. Things we couldn't possibly have prevented. We've put each other through a lot. Made some poor choices a long the way. We've laughed and cried and celebrated and faced defeat. We've yelled at each other and we've cheered each other on. We didn't have much to start and we still don't have much. The one constant is that we've always been by each other's side no matter what we've faced.
I know in the big picture of life, ten years is just a blink of the eye. We've learned a lot. About ourselves, each other, and life. But we don't know everything. We still have plenty of room for improvement. Just this year, I'm realizing how much I don't know. The longer we're married, the more I learn about Derek and the more I love and admire his heart. There really aren't enough words to express what he means to me. He loves me unconditionally. And I honestly mean that. With patience, determination, faith, humor, kindness, compassion, understanding. He's my best friend. Truly.
Our life together is beyond blessed. And without a doubt, I know that love is enough. And I look forward to all the new adventures the future holds for us.

Happy 10th Anniversary, my love!

Angel At My Door

Derek and I have waited a long time for this moment.

We're going to have a baby!!!!!!!!



I am not pregnant. No, it appears that God has chosen to give us a baby through adoption.


** Let me first say this, we've spent a lot of time this past week debating on when and how to tell everyone our joyous news. In light of Jared's passing, we know that he would not want us to put off celebrating a new life that God is bringing to our family. So it is with great love that we choose to honor Jared in sharing this with you. Please help us celebrate by praising the Only Creator who could allow something so amazing and beautiful.


With that said, let's start from the beginning.
When Derek and I were first engaged, I was convinced we should do all we could to prevent having children (after we were married) until we were "ready." At the moment we were married, I felt that weight lifted from me and God saying that if He wanted us to have children, it really didn't matter what we did to prevent it! So in ten years of marriage, we have not been blessed to conceive. I've had countless numbers of people tell me we should go to the doctor and find out why we haven't had kids yet. Well, here's my answer, once and for all. We've never felt convicted to do so. It's as simple as that. We've always trusted that when the time was right, God would provide. It's been painful and difficult to wait for so long. There's no denying that. We've prayed and trusted and have had many moments of disappointment. But we've held fast to God's promise. One day, He would give us a baby.

We can now look back over the years and see how God has been working to bring this about. Just this year alone, God has been moving and preparing our hearts like you wouldn't believe. There are so many things that have happened, that I couldn't even begin to explain them all to you.



A couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from a friend who I had not spoken to in several months. She asked if we had ever considered adoption. What?! That's what you're calling me about? What?! She then explained that her daughter was pregnant and has decided that the best thing for the baby is to give it up for adoption. She wanted us to consider being the parents.

...................Ummmmmm..................

Wow. Derek and I just looked at each other.

So we told our friend that we would pray about it and get back with her. Derek and I talked and prayed and asked all of the questions you can possibly imagine were going through our minds. We talked with our families and asked for prayers from some very close friends. Last week, we met with the mother and discussed the situation. We've decided to move forward.

We realize that we don't know anything. This isn't something we were seeking or planning for. There are all kinds of things that could stand in our way or go wrong. We may get to the very end, the baby born, and still things may fall apart. We know that is a real possibility. But we're choosing faith. Crazy faith. We're trusting that regardless of what the end result is, God has a purpose for this journey He's taking us on right now. He loves us way too much to not have a plan. We hope and continue to pray that we'll be parents when all is said and done. But for now, the only thing to do is trust and take one step at a time.


Please join us from this moment on, in praying for us. Pray for us as parents, pray for the baby's mother and for her future, and pray for this beautiful gift and the future God has planned.

We love you all! 


I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord. Isaiah 66:9 NCV

What we are suffering now is nothing compared with the glory that will be shown in us. Romans 8:18 NIRV